The Effect On Grandparents Of Separation Agreements

The Effect on Grandparents of Separation Agreements

by

James Walsh

Next to their parents, children look up to their grandparents for love and guidance. Within an intact marriage, the role played by the grandparents is more or less clearly defined and limited in context.

This responsibility becomes greatly enhanced in the scenario where a couple is heading for a marital separation. Sometimes, when a couple does not want a divorce, they settle for a separation agreement. It is a more formal situation than just simply living apart together and the data shows that it is mostly requested by women. A separation agreement contains all the specificities concerning children, division of assets, financial and other marital issues. If there are children in a marriage, the whole process of separation can be very traumatic for them. Herein, come the grandparents who can provide emotional, financial and psychological assistance to their children and grandchildren whose lives are going through major transformations. It is a recognised fact that most of the people would like to save their marriages before they head for separation but they dont know who to approach for guidance. When attempts at reconciliation become successful, apart from professional marriage counsellors, it is the role played by the immediate and intimate family members like grandparents which needs special emphasis. In-laws can act as mediators and, with their wisdom and patience, try to resolve the conflicts between their children. It is, however, vital that they dont take sides and play the blame-game; otherwise, the situation may get worse. If the affection between children and the grandparents was strong prior to a separation, the pain of going through it may be less agonising for the children. By helping to look after young children they can ease the stress and tension. In a majority of separation agreements, the custody rights are with the mother in case of young children. If grandparents are willing to take care of them, the mother can go in for employment which can help relieve the anxieties about monetary problems and the future of the children. Temporary accommodation to the separated parent and sharing their parental tasks like taking the children to the school and helping them with their studies can boost the morale of children and the parent. The problem arises when the angry parent who has the custody of the children, tries to take out their resentment on the grandparents. They may not allow the grandparents any contact with their children, although it has been seen that even after the separation agreement, many grandparents continue to play an active role in their grandchildrens lives. This can be done amicably by not being biased and not poisoning the minds of young children against one of their parents. However, if the attempts at mediation and harmony are not successful, grandparents can get their visitation rights included in separation agreements. Earlier, the grandparents had no legal rights to parental responsibilities concerning grandchildren under Childrens Act of 1989 and Childrens (Scotland) Act 1995 (c 36). Under the present law, where a grandparent is experiencing difficulty in obtaining contact with his or her grandchild, he or she may apply to the court for a contact order under section 11 of 1995 Act. Grand parents can also apply for an order granting or otherwise regulating parental responsibilities and rights or they may ask for a residence order in the separation agreement which allows them the custody of their grandchildren or a specific issue order concerning important decisions on the lives of their grandchildren like healthcare and education. It is obviously better that children be given up to their grandparents than taken in to care by the local authority. Grandparents can definitely play the mediators in a separation agreement and provide sustenance and nourishment to the broken relationships and tender minds and hearts. But most of them may be dealing with geriatric medical problems of their own and hence, not able to become parents all over again. So, it would be wise for the separating couple not to burden them too much. Just keep them involved in the family affairs, try not to separate them from their grandchildren and deny them their affection and take care to clearly define their visiting rights and custodial rights in the case of premature death of the parents in the separation agreement.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on purchasing a managed

Divorce

or a Quickie

Divorce

online see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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